Sunday, July 21, 2013

Disciplining Mistakes to Avoid

6 Discipline Mistakes to avoid
{I know I am guilty for them}

I think we've all had discipline efforts backfire now and then. No matter the tactic, sometimes things just go wrong. You often act in the moment and things aren't always thought out thoroughly.

1. Lying to get your kids to do something you want, will usually blow up in your face. Stretching the truth to get your child to do something you want can easily make them wonder. Often they will ask another adult or tell them what you said, to see if was/is real. 'If you don't stay in your bed tonight, the monsters downstairs will hear you.'
(Instead...keep things real, your children are learning and learn best from daily experiences. 'If you don't stay in your bed tonight, you won't get enough sleep to go to the park tomorrow.'

2. Over Bribing will result in high expectations from your children. If you bribe your child to eat the rest of their veggies and then they will get a cookie after they are done, it can quickly change to them wanting a cookie after each bite at a later meal. 
(Instead...trying rewarding for great behavior. 'I am so proud of how well you ate, you get a special cookie.' Reward your child often, versus over bribing. 'I am so proud of how you sat in church today, would you like a sucker?')
Don't get me wrong, a bribe here and there is fine, but use them wisely.

3. False Ultimatums won't make your child behave better. Like telling your child if they don't behave while shopping, they won't get a cookie at the end. You know their behavior will improve, after they get the cookies, so if their prior behavior hasn't been good, than anything is better than that. Usually one parent ends up giving in, which children catch on to very quick.
(Instead...hold true to what you say of use a different punishment that you can follow through with)

4. Empty Threats won't get you anywhere. Threatening your kids but never acting upon your threats will get your kids to never listen to you. 'If you don't stop hitting water at your brother, you won't be able to come to the beach next time.' Empty threats that you won't follow through with are meaningless.
(Instead...First give a warning, then if the problem persists, give a time out or remove your child from the situation. 'If you don't stop hitting water at your brother, you will have to be done in the water and take a time out.')

5. Breaking your Rules in disciplining. Your child is a sponge and mimics what you do. If you tell your child, 'Don't hit your sister {while spanking their butt}, that is telling them that hitting is okay. When they go and hit another child, it is their understanding that that behavior okay, since they saw/experienced you doing it. 
( behaviors that you want your children to use. Give hugs when saying sorry or 'gentle touches' to siblings when being kind.)

6. Waiting to Discipline will result in your child forgetting what they did. If you don't have an immediate punishment or consequence, your child will have forgotten what the punishment was for. If you tell your child to stop pulling their siblings hair in the car, or they'll loose their dessert at dinner, they will have forgotten by dinner time why they are loosing their cookie. 
(Instead...use consequences right away; 'Stop pulling your siblings hair or when we get to the park, you will have to sit on a time out.' )

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Parenting is tough and diciplining your kids to correct their actions is one of the toughest parts.
We all make mistakes, it is learning from our mistakes that makes us grow!

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